Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Looking Through the Glass by Robyn King

As I watched out my window on that day going back several years now, I remember how I marveled at watching her. The robin bird, my name sake, who had chosen the huge ash tree just outside my window to make her home. I watched her as she hurriedly fed each hungry baby never missing a beat even though there seemed to be hungry little beaks popping out everywhere. She made me smile and even though my day had started out in total pain I walked back to my bedroom to get my camera forgetting about my problems for awhile. My hands were tremoring, but I was determined to take the pictures anyway and hope that when I loaded them into my computer I could get a closer look at the beauty I was watching out my window. Since I had gotten sick, I hadn't been able to pick up my camera so I was thrilled when my husband bought me a special present. An extremely light digital camera, which meant no darkroom, no film which solved some other problems I was having that were keeping me from creating images. I thought I would have to give up on my love of photography and my hands once an artist tools now wouldn't take the slightest direction when I tried to draw or paint. Now I just had to find a way through the tremoring problem and the fatigue and pain and I was okay but I was never one to give up easily. It was heartbreaking that one moment could change my life so much.An enraged student during a fight that was broken up lost his temper and now this was the result. Years of unending pain, illness, and it felt like someone stole my life right out from under me when I wasn't paying attention. I found myself regretting some things I hadn't done that I may not get to do now and relishing in the things I had gotten to do before I got sick with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.When I was first diagnosed it was simply called RSD or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy then researchers started realizing that the pain we experience doesn't stay just within the Sympathetic nervous system like they thought originally. The pain can spread and become more generalized to other parts of your body. That is what I am dealing with now full body symptoms everywhere burning pain, tremors, lesions,numbness,sensitivity to sound,light,stimulus to the skin in general.. I think you get the idea. It has been eleven years and many ongoing treatments,hospital bouts,doctor visits, tests, medication, frustration, and lately, a newfound love for something I thought was lost to me my art. What have I been doing for eleven years? Trying to survive firstly and foremost. I almost lost that battle twice now due to blood clots, and a gallbladder packed full of stones that everyone including myself for four years blamed the pain on the Complex Regional Pain Syndrome disorder. Now I am lighter one gallbladder and since then have realized a few things. The only way through the pain to the other side is to push through and rest when my body needs it. As for the tremors holding my breath when I hit the shutter goes a long way and not letting myself overdo the shooting too much also helps. Since it is a real high for me to shoot pictures once I start I don't want to stop when I should so I am learning a balance.This way I don't end up in a flare up from doing my photography. I remember how I felt the day I took that picture and how badly I wanted to be outside taking the pictures not through a window, but was too sick to walk down the stairs and how just a few days ago I was outside walking, taking pictures. It might not be as far as I used to be able to before having CRPS, but I was doing it and it feels so good. Sharing my work with people feels good too. I haven't done that since before I got the disorder and I want to thank all of you for the wonderful support I have gotten:) Stay tuned in because I am just getting started:)Some other places to view my work are facebook, tumblr, twitter ,smugmug ,ViewBug, and pinterest.

Best Wishes,

Robyn King

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